Friday, February 12, 2016

The Little Things

Before I go into what this post is really about, I have gained back 2 pounds of my three lost courtesy of the stomach virus.  Boo!  Today, however, I realized that I now weigh 13 pounds less than I did at the start of 2015.  With the stomach virus and all the craziness, I never did begin counting WW points this week. Same old story, though.  I want to (so I can lose weight), but I don't want to (because I don't want to weigh and measure food and obsess).  I'm doing little things right, though (not even why I named this post that!) because it's sloooowwwwwllllyyyy showing up on the scales.  And I think living in the new place is going to actually benefit us.  We are a good ways away from any kind of food other than home cooked!  I mean, there's McDs, but is that even food?  :)  We rarely ever want that, so it's not a threat. And now I'm rambling!  Point was, we aren't in a central location anymore that is 5-10 minutes away from 20 different restaurants.  Therefore, it's just not as "worth it" to eat out.  So I think living here is going to help with finances, weight, and eating out.


Now for the reason I sat down to blog....


With all this moving, there are still things to sort through.  I have had this box since before we had our firstborn that I have put EVERY card we have given to each other - kids to kids, parents to kids, vice versa, grandparents to kids, and us to each other as husband and wife. I have kept all homemade and store bought cards.  I don't keep them from other people, even though I do enjoy cards from others, but I'm not a pack rat so I have to be choosy! Photo cards I do keep  :)  Anyway, not only did the box have cards but also pictures from before having kids and keeping albums.


I decided tonight that my older two could go through the box and separate pictures from cards.   They did this as I was making supper, and I heard such laughing and exclamations!  You could tell they were really enjoying themselves.  When they were done, I told them to put only the pictures back into the box (which is actually a small tote with lid) but leave the cards out.  I plan to buy a special little tote to store them in (and add to) over the years.


The kids all went to bed, and my living room had the biggest pile of cards, as you can imagine.  Hubby went to bed.  I was still organizing things.  I decided I would sit down and go through the cards.  They needed to at least be stacked neatly to calm my OCD.  lol


I began going through those cards.  I just couldn't believe it.  There were cards I picked up that I then remembered helping my two first girls make for their daddy for his birthday or Father's Day.  I found the card that hubby made me when we were pregnant with our firstborn.  I found card after card to me from my family throughout the years.


I FELT SO AWFUL!!!


It really is the little things in life that matter.  My family wrote words of praise to me in those cards that cut through me like a knife.  At one point in motherhood, I probably did "deserve" those words - or at least live up to them.  But over the years, with the busy-ness of homeschooling, diapering, cleaning, traveling, doing laundry and a million other things - I lost my joy.  I lost my desire for the kids that I have.


Oh I definitely love them with all my heart!  I'm just being honest.  And sometimes being completely honest about my feelings gets me in trouble.  But most of the time, I find that other people begin to open up because they were having the same feelings but were too ashamed to say what I was saying.


What I mean is this.  Somewhere along the way, having clean floors became more important than stopping what I'm doing to sit and have a moment of silliness with my kids.  This is just useless to begin with because I have four children.  My floors are never clean!  I mean, yes, clean clean.  But there really isn't a time when there isn't some sort of toy or dirty sock left in each room of the house.  My kids are all having a blast with their huge imaginations, and I'm walking all over the house picking out little things for them to get up and do because "the least you can do is keep your toys picked up!"


Yes, my children need to help.  I'm all about kids learning how to do things.  My older two can cook a meal, know how to do laundry, and can take good care of their younger siblings when I'm sick.  At the same time, though, why do I expect that my house shouldn't have toys scattered about when I'm a mother to four children ages 6 to 12?????   At what point did I lose the joy of sitting down and helping my kids make a craft to surprise their dad with?????


So I am going to bed tonight feeling challenged.  I want to be "that mom" again.  I want to be the mom in the cards that they praised and trusted and loved so much!  I don't want them to grow up and only think of me as their mom who was sometimes fun but mostly just walked around the house nagging and griping about messes.  :(  I also want to be the wife in the cards I got from my husband.  Poor guy.  Sometimes even *I* notice how grouchy I'm being!  Why does it have to be that way?!   IT DOESN'T.  It will take tons and tons of effort on my part to change my reactions to things and expectations and habits I've formed, but our home can be happier one - a home with toys scattered about but love for one another abounding!


I'm so glad I sat down with that pile of cards tonight.  :)

Monday, February 8, 2016

Stomach Bug, Furniture, Missing Cat, and Goodbye

Yep.  And I'm gonna tell you alllllll about it!  Lol


On Wednesday, our son threw up a couple times and that was that.  He obviously didn't feel well and wouldn't eat a single bite, but he woke up perfect on Thursday and ate every meal willingly.  On Thursday night after supper, however, he started throwing up again and did so for about 2 hours or so before falling asleep and being fine ever since. Whew!


Our kitchen set is a cheap-o from Kmart that we bought 2 or 3 years ago.  The chair legs were having to be tightened nearly every day recently.  One collapsed on me, and just to prove it wasn't because I'm fat, it also collapsed on my son a few days later.  Ha!  Anyway, I called and they no longer make the set so the chairs couldn't be replaced.  We found an Ashley table set we liked that was normally $900+ on sale for $699 but our place was gonna have to order it and deliver it in 3 weeks.  Eh, no thanks.  So I called around and found an Ashley Furniture Store in Clarksville, TN that had the item in stock with same-day pickup.


Saturday, we left the kids with my mother-in-law while we went out in hubby's new (old) truck to pick it up.  He got a 1995 Ford F-150 for cash with the house sale money.  We got to the furniture place, and the lady who had promised to price comp the table set had just left for lunch.  We decided we would go eat, too, and then come back.  Clarksville is NUTS when it comes to traffic.  You can't seem to get anywhere, even with traffic lights!  So we didn't get back to the store for nearly 3 hours because of traffic, restaurant time, and then more traffic.  We paid for our set and THEN were told we had to pick it up at a different location 10 minutes away.  No big deal, but it would be a 45-minute wait to pick it up.


I let my MIL know this, and she replied that youngest daughter had just vomited in our van!!!!  Oh no!  She was asking for Mommy.  So now things felt pressing.  We went on over to the distribution center and waited our turn.  They showed hubby the top of the table and edges and then slid it back in the box.  He sat in all of the chairs.  Then they wrapped everything in bubble wrap and put it in the truck.  We headed right out so we could get to baby girl.


Halfway home, for some reason, hubby realized they didn't put the bench on the truck.  He said he remembered it sitting back there waiting to be loaded but never got loaded.  We pulled over, and sure enough it wasn't on the truck.  Ugh!  Called them, and they had it and agreed to deliver it free of charge on Tuesday.  No biggy.


We got home to baby girl, and she was pretty much okay.  She just wanted to rest a lot.  She did end up throwing up some more that evening but has been fine since.  Hubby had to call a friend to help him get the new table into the house.  I headed out to grocery shop because I hadn't since before moving here and we had exhausted all the food in the house.  I received a call in a bit that they hadn't packed any of the hardware for the table, the butterfly leaf was broken, and one table leg was cracked.  Argh!!!  We had to send in pictures of all that this morning and also discovered an issue with one chair pad, so now ALL that stuff is scheduled to be delivered Tuesday.


On the way to the store, I was just noticing how well I can't see when driving at night anymore.  :-/  My left eye definitely seems weaker than my right now.  As I was driving with my left eye covered to prove this point, my right contact lens fell out! I was freaking out!  Now I was driving with my bad eye only and had no clue where my lens was!  A few minutes up the road, I made it to a parking lot and was able to see my lens on my skirt.  Every time I put it in, though, it felt all scratchy and would hurt.  I finally got it in and settled, and I headed back on my way.


I got to Publix and remembered I had egg cartons and plastic bags to recycle.  I walked back to the hatch of the van and pulled.  It gave a little but wouldn't open.  I tried again - nothing.  I crawled into the back seat of the van, but nothing was in the way that would prevent it from opening.  I crawled out of the back seat and tried once more and got the hatch open.  Yay!  Odd, but whatever.  Well, I slammed it shut and it bounced back open! Seriously????  I had to try three or four times before it closed correctly.  I walked away and realized I forgot to the lock the van.  I had some brand new blinds in there that needed to be returned.  I said out loud, "Forget it!  If someone wants to steal the $3.87 blinds, let them!" and kept walking.  Lol


After shopping, the bag girl helped me out to my vehicle.  I grabbed for my keys and they were gone.  No way!  I searched all in my purse.  I was really feeling irritated now.  Saturday had really been a terrible day!  I had just been telling the girl what a bad day I'd had, so she felt horrible for me when I couldn't find my keys.  Lol  I pulled on the hatch and it came right open.  Yay!  I hadn't locked the doors!!!  I walked up front, and there were my keys!  I had left them laying in plain view in my driver's seat with the doors unlocked.  At this point in the day, I just considered it a blessing that no one had noticed and taken my van off.  Haha


I had a ton of shopping to do at Publix and Walmart, and then I headed home.  When I got there at around 11 pm, hubby said middle daughter was now on the couch feeling sick. Thirty minutes later, she threw up for the first time.  :(  She kept throwing up off and on all night.  At 6 am, I woke up sick as a dog.  At 8:30, hubby realized he, too, was sick and would have to cancel church. There is no one up here to fill in for us on short notice.  He did schedule a preacher to come in from KY for that evening.  Hubby ended up being the very sickest of us all, starting at about 9 am.


I think I was the least sick, but my head and lower back were hurting so bad!  I think my back was hurting from laying in the bed constantly, but whenever I tried to get up I would feel awful and have to lay back down.  Long story short, oldest daughter finally got sick just before midnight on Sunday night.  She doesn't seem to be having the worst time, so I'm glad for that.  She is the last one to get this, so I'm just looking forward to having it out of the house!  I feel so awful for anyone who got my buggy after me.  :(  I didn't feel sick at all until hours later.  I am not one to go around spreading germs.  It's a pet peeve of mine, so I would've stayed home had I known.


Oh, and our orange cat has been missing since Thursday afternoon.  :(  He was coming home each day to eat and sleep in the house all day.  We would put him out when we went anywhere, and he would beg to be out at night.  We put him out Thursday on the way to clean the old house and he's been gone since.  I really loved that cat and will miss him!


And on Friday, we did the final cleaning of everything at the old house.  We gathered in the living room and got in a circle with our arms around each other.  I told hubby we should pray together one last time in our old house.  He had the idea that everyone should tell a memory or two that they have from that house.  We all did.  It was sweet to hear some of the memories the kids had.  During prayer, I started bawling!  It was unexpected, but I guess it was finally real.  We were leaving our house of 11 years for the very last time, never to return.  When our son saw me crying, it upset him.  He ran straight to the van, buckled up, and bawled himself.  LOL  I felt bad but still kept crying.  I told them it was just an emotional time and we would make plenty of memories in this home and the permanent one we move to after this.  :)


The only good thing to come from any of the above is that I lost over 3 pounds with my stomach bug diet.  Haha   I know it's not a real loss, but it was fun to see that new # on the scale.  I'll take what I can get.  Lol


All this sickness and running around prevented me from completing everything with the unpacking and organizing.  We also didn't get to restart school today.  I'm looking forward to getting my life back in order!