I am about to head to bed. Tomorrow is the day... the day to start back at trying and counting points and changing some things in life and adding in exercise.
I told my husband that I just don't wanna do it! But at the same time, I do wanna do it! Such an inner battle. I think I am very non-excited about losing the same stupid pounds alllll over again. But I know we've all been there, done that. I know it will take me some time to get back in the groove again.
Anyway, just coming here and being up front and honest. Laying my camera and notebook out so I will be reminded upon waking that tomorrow I am going to start LOSING weight instead of GAINING weight. I feel more miserable right now than at any point in my life and I don't like feeling this way. I want to turn things around before I go off the "physical cliff." Ha! Sorry, bad humor.... :)
I am still really bad about staying up too late. Even if I get up early, I find a million things to do to keep myself occupied until 12 or 1 am. The girls start school back on Monday, so I have made us yet another schedule. Thankfully, my kids get very excited about a schedule. I'm giving myself a few breaks this time, though. I am not getting up as early as I was forcing myself to last time. I am just not a morning person and need to accept the fact! Also, MIL gave me a DVD player so that my 3-1/2 year old can watch something for an hour of the day. Since we don't have a TV, that will be a real treat to him. At the same time, it will allow me to turn on a subject of video school on our computer with my older two while I work one-on-one with my kindergartner. I have never in my life used a TV as a babysitter, but life seasons change and sometimes you need help! Normally, I have one of my older 2 occupy the littlest while I work with the youngest daughter. That means there is an hour of the day where the older two aren't getting schooled. This fixes all that. I'm very, very happy with this new schedule and think it might be a keeper! We shall see.
I am also debating on whether to blog in the mornings or afternoons about the previous day instead of blogging at night about the current day. This way, I won't be staying up late in the evenings because "I have to blog." That drives my husband nuts anyway. I just can't decide if it would be too confusing to always blog about yesterday?? Lol So if my blogging goes weird for a bit, I apologize. Bear with me! It's impossible to blog while the kids are still awake. The computer is in the living room and the two oldest pick a shoulder and stand right behind it and stare over me and DRIVE ME NUTS!!!! Ahem....
Oh! My husband preached somewhere for a New Year's Eve service. I chose not to go this year. It's just too frustrating trying to get the two smaller kids to sit still through 4 or 5 preachers all while being good until midnight. Can you imagine? :) And there's no nursery or kids' classes where he was preaching at. So last night I was alone with the kids, without Diet Dr. Pepper in the house, and I thought I wouldn't make it to the new year! Seirously! I could hear the can pop... hear the bubbles sizzle...feel the acid sliding down my esophagus, eating away at my stomach lining. Ahhhhh. I wanted one badly! ROFL. I even had a headache from withdrawal, I guess. I don't normally get headaches. But I made it through and still haven't bought any for the house. I did have a value size Diet Coke tonight from Wendy's, but I don't care much for Diet Coke. I pledge my allegiance to Diet Dr. Pepper. This. Is. Hard.
I admit it. I'm a weanie. Out of all the blogs you read, I know I am the pitiful one. Haha
So my heart is not in it at all, but I'm going to try to fake it until I make it --- go on the trudge to take off this pudge --- go up to bat to lose the fat --- exercise to stay alive --- get in the mood to ditch bad food. Shall I go on with my antics?
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bring on 2013!
(It is 12:47 am now... see what I mean?)